How To Build A Flower Bed

1. Measure everything in the most scientifically reliable way, with your feet.
2. Go to Lowe’s.
3. Find the garden soil and load 30 bags onto your flat cart.
4. Find the cedar mulch and load 4 bags on top of the soil.
5. Check out and load all those bags into the truck.
6. Go home and unload the 34 bags.
7. Go back to Lowe’s.
8. Enjoy quizzical looks on employee’s faces that seem to ask, “Weren’t they just here?”
9. Find the wall bricks and load 60 bricks onto your flat cart. (Smashing fingers optional)
10. Check out and load all of those bricks into the truck. (Smashing fingers optional)
11. Go home and carefully build your wall in the shape desired. (Making Pink Floyd jokes optional but recommended)
12. Using a box cutter, cut an X shape into garden soil bag and flip to disperse soil. (repeat 30 times)
13. Dispose of packaging.
14. Go back to Lowe’s.
15. Enjoy quizzical looks as employee’s break down and ask, “Weren’t you just here?”
16. Carefully select flowers and shrubbery that will tolerate full sun, likely temperatures and at the very least bloom in Spring and Summer (preferably Spring, Summer and Fall).
17. Load two flat carts with these plants and check out.
18. Load truck with flowers and go home.
19. Unload plants and arrange in beds as desired.
20. Remove plants and dig 50 holes.
21. Plant 50 plants.
22. Open ridiculously over-sized bags of mulch.
23. Almost kill all plants trying to figure out how to get mulch into flower beds without burying flowers.
24. Take larger plastic flower pots, fill with mulch and use to spread mulch evenly and safely.
25. Water plants.
26. Take shower.
27. Fall asleep.

Flower Bed


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